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Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.
The next day, I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you.
The next day, I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you.
The next day, I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
This morning, I stopped reading.
hehehe
LOL!!
Love it!
lol
I wanted to post my two favortie jokes, lol
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along
the road eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got
out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for
food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you "the lawyer
said."But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree." "Bring them along" the lawyer replied. Turning to the
other poor man he stated, "You come with us also, and bring your family too"
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as
the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the
lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us
with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass
is almost a foot high."
______________________________________
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed
couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.
"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."
ya know, me being me, I would have just stopped having sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by T-Bird76
hahaha :lol:
:ahem: not that iv had any or anything...
IslipWN, those were actually pretty good.